Inspiring Book

Why Men Marry Bitches is the title of a book written by Sherry Argov. When I first saw it at the bookstore I was not interested. I thought it was a book full of nonsense. A few days before, I had got dumped by my boyfriend. Feeling sentimental, I had a look on the cover and the synopsis at the back then I decided to buy it. Since the book was translated into Indonesian, I sometimes got “lost” when reading it, got stuck to think of what the words were said in its original language. The book was fun, using the simple language, and easy to understand. I felt the great effect coming after I read the book for the second time. After reading, I tried to review all my relationships I had ever had in my life and why I had failed.

First, I had been too nice. Since I always thought that not many guys would love me, I loved my partner too much and gave him anything he wanted. I gave him time, love, energy, attention, fidelity and even money. I was preoccupied by the idea of pleasing him and giving him the best I had. Instead of making him love me more, I made my partner feel so secured and comfortable that he thought he didn’t have to work hard to retain the relationship.

Second, I always wanted to be perfect. I had thought that to be loved, I had to be the best in everything. I always wanted to give the best to the people I loved. I wanted to make everyone that I loved happy to the fullest. I learned everything in order to make my partner happy: from homemaking to technology, from politics to exotic techniques in sex, from active sports to relaxing spa treatments. Consequently, I expected my partner to do the same in return. The idea of becoming perfect for me really freaked him out. It also explained why my partner always turned to someone else who, compared to me, was ‘nothing”.

Third, busy to make my partner happy, I forgot about myself. I lost a lot of “me” time. I started to become distant with my own friends. In short, I didn’t realize that I was losing myself. I sacrificed my own happiness for the sake of my relationship. I wasn’t aware that by doing so, I started to destroy my relationship and even worse, I started to destroy myself. I destructed my self esteem, losing his respect.

Finally, I didn’t develop a “healthy” relationship. As my relationship became more serious, I started to lose the funny and witty me, the warm me, the interesting and sexy me. I turned to be someone who was demanding, perfectionist, boring and insecure. I was losing my personality; I changed into someone else, a perfect stranger to my partner.

I understand that I can’t blame all the failure in relationship on myself. I believe, of course, that I haven’t met the right person for me with whom I would feel comfortable. He would be the person who always wants me the way I am, the imperfect me.